As Joanie Brewer opened her front door the first thing she saw was police
uniforms. She tried, unsuccessfully, to close the door. Something she
had done before on many occasions.
When a large foot was planted firmly on her front-door mat, she sighed.
'He ain't here, he just went out. But he was here all day with me, so
whatever you want him for, he never done it.'
' Joante.. '
The plainclothes officer stared at her for a few seconds before dropping
his eyes and staring down at her tiny feet encased in scruffy old mules:
pink ostrich feathers and worn-down plastic heels. Her pretty face looked
hard in the harsh electric light of her hallway. The faded blonde hair
was scraped up on top of her head and her sharp features made her look
almost feral. Devoid of her usual makeup Joanie looked older than her
age; she looked what she was -used, worn out.
Only her blue eyes showed any real emotion. They were desolate. She knew
now why they were here. And she didn't want to hear what they were going
to tell her even as she knew she must.
'I'm sorry, Joanie love, can we come in?' said the plainclothes, DI Baxter.
As she opened the chipped and battered front door wide her whole demeanour
changed.
'Better get it over with then, eh?'
None of the three men could look at her. A dark-haired policewoman with
high breasts and a disdainful expression on her face took Joanie's arm
gently, only to be shrugged off with such
force she was nearly unbalanced.
The atmosphere was taut with tension. None of them wanted to be here and
all knew equally they were not wanted.
In her front room Joanie felt a glimmer of satisfaction as she saw a look
of collective shock register on their faces. The place was shabby but
spotlessly clean. It was the forty-eight-inch TV set and the up-to-the-rninute
DVD system that had given them one up and she smiled to herself as she
said, 'All bought and paid for. I have the receipts in the kitchen.'
No one said a word in reply.
The policewoman looked through a door and saw the kitchen; she walked
towards it, saying: 'I'll make some tea, eh?'
No one answered. Joanie sat down and gestured for the others to do the
same. 'You've found her, haven't you?'
Dl Baxter nodded.
She was holding back tears now, and still none of the men could bear to
look at her.
'She's dead then?'
The detective nodded again.
Joanie put her head into her hands and sobbed loudly, one harsh desolate
sob before she forced herself to be calm. Wiping her eyes, she lifted
her head and gazed around the room, battling her emotions as she had done
all her life.
She was fucked if she was going to cry in front of this lot. Her eyes
lighted on a photograph on the mantelpiece. Her Kira's last school photo,
her blue eyes alive with merriment. She was a beautiful little girl, a
dear child, and Joanie's last. Born out of wedlock like the others, and
loved more than any of them.
Joanie could hear her heartbeat thundering in her ears and felt momentarily
as if she was going to faint.
'I told you she wouldn't run away, but you never listened to a word I
said, did you?' It was an accusation. 'My baby would never have left me.
Neve1: But none of you would listen.'
The detective took a child's dress from a bag on his lap; it was small
for an eleven year old's. Kira had taken after Joanie. Tiny. Petite. Once
the dress had been white with tiny blue flowers on it. Now it was soiled.
Joanie knew exactly what had happened to her child.
'We found this with the body. We need you to--'
She snatched it from him and held it to her face, but all she could smell
was dirt -dirt and hatred. Not the flowery, sunshine smell of an eleven-year-old
child on the brink of womanhood. A child with her whole life stretching
ahead of her. In her mind's eye she saw Kira once more, laughing and joking.
She had been a good child, easy to rear.
The tears came then, and with their arrival the WPC brought in the tea.
Even in her distressed state Joanie was glad the girl had used the good
mugs kept for visitors. It was important to her to have nice things around
her.
Especially now.
They talked to her, she could see their mouths moving, but she could hear
nothing. All she could hear inside her head was the sound of her child's
voice, as she called for her mummy and her mummy never came.
She was rocking now, clutching the remnants of the dress and whispering
over and over, 'My baby. My baby.'
One of the PCs said sadly, 'Shall I get the quack?'
The detective nodded and sipped his tea.
For all J oanie Brewer was, and she was legendary down at the station,
at this moment she was just a woman who had had a child brutally murdered.
Bugger tea. He should have brought a bottle of hard, if not for himself
then for the wreck of a woman before him.
She wasn't Joanie Brewer now, the prostitute, drunk, and all-round Mouth
Almighty responsible for giving birth to a one-family crime wave. She
was a bereaved mother grieving for a child who had been snatched from
the street, used and abused and then disposed of like so much rubbish.
He finished his tea in silence.
Joanie was quiet now, staring into space, and he knew they would get nothing
more from her today.
Eventually the doctor arrived.