The Sunshine of your Smile

Chapter One

Nellie McDonough faced her friend across the dining table and, pressing her finger on the raised chenille of the cloth, made a fabric tunnel towards the middle of the table. While her finger was busy, her legs were swinging under her chair. 'Ay, girl, there's not much doing these days, is there? Life is very dull.'
'Dull! Did yer say dull?' Molly Bennett's voice went up two notes as she gazed in disbelief at her friend. ' In the name of God, Nellie, don't yer think I-'ve had more than my share of excitement over the last thirteen months? Our Tommy, me only son, got married three weeks ago, and twelve months before that I had a double wedding on me hands when Jill and Doreen got wed. I would have thought that was enough excitement for anyone, but that wasn't all, was it? Our Doreen has a four-month-old baby, and didn't I worry meself to death the whole time she was carrying? Then, to top it all, our Jill tells us at Tommy's wedding that she's pregnant, so I can start worrying over her now for the next six months. I'm made up for them, of course, and I love me grandson to bits, the same as I'll love Jill's baby when it comes. But yer must admit I've had a hectic, money- worrying thirteen or fourteen months. And you above anyone knows how much running around I've had to do, so how the hell yer can say life is dull, well, that's beyond me.'
'All right, girl, keep yer hair on! ' Nellie's chins swayed in all directions as she wagged her head from side to side. '1 don't know why yer had to bite me head off, I was only passing a comment.'
Molly couldn't help grinning. 'Is that why ye're wagging yer head -to make sure I didn't bite it off? I know I've been a bit short-tempered lately, sunshine, but letting go of three children in a year is pretty hard going. It was bad enough for me and Jack when the girls left home, but it's ten times worse now Tommy's gone. Oh, I know I see the girls every day 'cos they only live in the street, and Tommy calls every night as he still walks home from work with his dad. But the house isn't the same and I get emotional at times.'
Nellie could feel herself getting on her high horse, and her whole eighteen-stone body was bristling with injustice. 'It's no wonder I've been feeling miserable for the last three weeks, it's you what's causing it. Every day I'm having to listen to yer bragging about yer grandson, or moaning 'cos yer miss the kids. I'm not surprised I've been feeling down in the dumps, ye 're enough to make anyone want to stick their head in the gas oven. In fact I have thought of it, but I never seem to have a penny handy for the meter.'
'Nellie, to put yer head in the gas oven, yer have to get down on yer knees, and yer'd never make it, sunshine. I mean, the penny is no problem, I'd lend yer one, but the knees would let yer down.'
'Yer'd be daft to lend me a penny, girl, 'cos yer wouldn't get it back. I'd be sitting in the front row of the stalls in heaven, next to Saint Peter, and we'd be laughing our cotton socks off when we looked down and saw yer trying to get the penny off George. Now my feller isn't what yer'd call tight, but he definitely wouldn't fork out a penny after the job was done. He might have lent yer one before, but not after. He's not that daft.'
'This is not a very pleasant subject, sunshine, so can we talk about something else, if yer don't mind? Something that won't give me nightmares, like seeing you laying on the kitchen floor with yer head stuck in the gas oven. It doesn't bear thinking about, and it's not a sight I'd like to see.'
'1 wouldn't show yer up, girl, I'd make meself presentable first. Yer wouldn't have to worry about calling the police out, , cos I would have put clean knickers on.'
'Oh, yeah, I can see it all now,' Molly said. '1 call the police and tell them I lent yer a penny so yer could gas yerself. But before yer passed away, yer'd left instructions to say I wasn't to be embarrassed 'cos yer'd changed yer knickers.'
'D'yer know what, girl?' Nellie leaned forward and rested her mountain- ous bosom on the table so she wouldn't keep banging it. 'Yer've not half cheered up, yer've got a smile on yer face and a twinkle in yer eyes.'
' I might look better, but I can't snap out of me sadness just like that. , Molly snapped a finger and thumb. '1 miss me kids and that's all there is to it. We used to have a good laugh around the table eating our meal every night, and now there's just me and Jack and Ruthie. Thank goodness she won't be getting married for at least six years.'
'Don't bite me head off again, girl, but I've got to say what's in me mind whether yer like it or not.' Nellie lifted her bosom from the table and sat back on the wooden dining chair. The chair wasn't very happy about this, and made its complaint known by creaking loudly. 'Yer were moaning about yer children leaving home, but yer never think about whether I miss our Steve or not. And yer go on about Jill being pregnant, and how yer'll worry about her. Yer seem to forget it was my son what put her in the family way, she didn't manage it all on her own. So I have as big a stake in the baby as you have, and I'm entitled to worry as well.'
The emphatic nodding of Nellie's head had the chair creaking and groaning and her chins trying hard to keep in rhythm. 'Of course yer have as much right as me, sunshine, and I wouldn't leave yer out for all the money in the world.' Molly bit on the inside of her lip to stop herself laughing in Nellie's face. 'And while I'm on the subject of money, there's no way I can afford to buy a new dining-room suite in the foreseeable future, so would yer transfer yer backside to the chair what I bought especially for yer? It's stronger than these, yer see, and it's used to your bottom now.'
Nellie scratched her head. 'We weren't on the subject of money, girl, it was you what brought it up. And d'yer have to use long words just to make me look ignorant in front of people?'
Molly let her eyes roam the room. 'Which people, sunshine? There's only me and thee here. And what word are yer on about?'
'If I knew it, I wouldn't be asking, would I? I can't even say it, but I remember yer won't be able to buy a dining-room suite in it.'
Molly narrowed her eyes. 'Sometimes I think yer act daft when all the time yer know far more than yer let on. Everyone understands what "the foreseeable future" means, so if I was going to try and trick yer I'd be more inclined to interject a word like "assiduously".'
Nellie could feel her tummy shaking, lifting the dining table from the floor, so she stood up quickly and leaned on the table with clenched fists. ' A tanner says yer don't know the meaning of that last word what yer just came out with.'
'Don't waste yer money, sunshine,' Molly said. 'Yer'll only lose.'
Nellie pursed her lips and, nodding knowingly, folded her arms which disappeared from sight beneath her bosom. 'Not this time I won't lose, girl, so the tanner bet is on. Say that word again, then tell me what it means. And don't forget Corker's home now, so I'll be asking him for advice.'
, Yer can write to the King for advice for all I care, sunshine, but I won't take a tanner off yer. If yer lose yer can buy me a cake. Is that all right with you?' When Nellie nodded, Molly felt a pang of guilt and almost owned up to truth: that she'd been going through the dictionary last night expressly to find a word she could use to pull her friend's leg. 'The word is assiduously, and it means carefully and regularly.'
It's a good job Nellie was standing because the chair wouldn't have stood an earthly under her huge body which was shaking with merriment. There wasn't an inch of her that wasn't in motion. 'Careful and regular! Oh, yer mean like going to the lavvy every day?' In between hoots of laughter, and bending down to try and get her breath, she said, '1'11 have to ask George about that tonight. How can I put it now? Shall I ask if he's been assiduously to the lavvy, or if he's been to the lavvy assiduously? ,
Molly looked at her mate's face which was creased into a huge grin. The devilish merriment lurking in those hazel eyes made Molly want to round the table and hug the woman who had filled her life with laughter for the last twenty odd years. The four-foot-ten, eighteen-stone bundle of happiness whom she loved like a sister. But if she told Nellie that now her mate would stop every person they met on their way to the shops, and with head held high and breasts standing to attention would repeat the compliment Molly had paid her. And the shopkeepers wouldn't be left out, they'd get action as well as words. But Nellie always got a smile of welcome when she entered any shop because the assistants knew her antics would brighten their day.
'Well, sunshine, it's nice to sit and have a natter, but I think it's time for us to get our messages in.' Molly pushed her chair back. '1 want to stop at Doreen's to see if she needs anything, save her going out.'
'Ah, ay, girl, we've only had one cup of tea! Let's have another.'
'It won't be fit to drink, it'll be stiff.'
'It'll be wet and warm, and that'll suit me fine.' A glint came into Nellie's eyes. 'And I know yer've got a couple of custard creams left, so they'd go down a treat with the tea.'
Molly gasped. 'How d'yer know that?'
Not in the least embarrassed, Nellie grinned. '1 sneaked a look in yer pantry when yer went down the yard for a quick one. So it's yer own fault for leaving me.'
'No, it's not my fault, Nellie McDonough! I don't expect me friends to go snooping as soon as I'm out of the room. I wouldn't have the nerve in someone else's house.'
'Ah, yeah, but you're not like me, are yer, girl? I'm a different breed to you. I mean, yer don't tell lies, only now and again a little white one, and yer don't really swear. Me now, I tell whopping big fibs and swear like a trooper.'
'Yer wouldn't be bragging about telling lies and swearing, would yer? , Cos I don't see anything to brag about, yer should be ashamed of yerself. ,
'I'll make a deal with yer, girl. If you'll pour the tea out, while we're drinking it and eating our custard cream, I'll tell yer all about how ashamed of meself I am.' Nellie sensed a weakening and added a little bonus. 'And I'll mug us to a cream cake when we get to Hanley's.'
Molly's resistance faded as the thought of a fresh cream cake had her mouth watering. And if Nellie didn't mind drinking tepid tea, who was she to argue? 'That sounds very appealing, sunshine, and I'm not going to refuse. But remember, I can't return the favour because I've only got Jack's wages coming in now while you have three.'
'Holy suffering ducks, girl! Have yer found something else to moan about? Ye 're turning into a right moaning Minnie.'
'Oh, I have no qualms about letting yer buy a cake for me, sunshine, I don't feel obligated to return the treat. Not after the thousands of cups of tea yer've had in here. And the sugar and milk on top. It'll take yer a lifetime to pay all that back.'
Nellie didn't turn a hair. With a look of pure innocence on her face, she moved to where the carver chair stood and carried it to the table. It was a strong chair, with polished arms, and well able to support her ample proportions. When she plonked herself down, there wasn't a peep out of it. 'Yer forgot to mention the biscuits I've had, girl, so I'd better remind yer in case ye're making a list of the debts I owe yer.'
'Yer've well paid yer debts, sunshine. Yer paid them with all the fun and happiness yer've given me and mine over the years.' Molly pulled a face as she poured out the lukewarm tea. But as much as she loved her friend, she had no intention of making a fresh pot. There was shopping and work to be done. 'Yer've paid up in full, Nellie, account cleared.'
Nellie jerked her head back, throwing her chins into turmoil. 'Thank God for that! ' There was more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice. 'I don't need to stay awake every night, worrying about when yer going to send the bailiffs in.'
Molly handed her a cup, saying, 'I can't see anything keeping you awake at night, sunshine. Yer wouldn't worry if yer backside was on fire.'
'Nothing would keep me awake all night, girl, but there's a feller laying next to me in bed, and he sometimes keeps me awake. He can't resist me voluptuous body.'
'Right, that's it! ' Molly glared across the table. 'Once we get to talking about your bedroom, then it's time to call it a day. So get that tea down and let's be on our way.'
Like a little girl doing as she was told, Nellie lifted the cup to her lips. Loudly enough for Molly to hear, she muttered, '1 feel sorry for her feller, he picked a real cold fish when he picked her.'